There is a fine line between giving care and trying to fix the problems of others. In our family we are well acquainted with the Crusader Rabbit syndrome. Crusader Rabbit is large, white, fluffy bunny that takes his sword, his shield and his lance, mounts his white stallion and charges down on a problem situation (or person) and attempts to fix things. The problem is, that fixing things is not our responsibility, but loving and giving care is. Generally speaking, when Crusader Rabbit mounts his white horse and charges down he is about to get knocked off his horse.
Unlike the shrunken soul who said that the best advice he ever received was to never volunteer, I think it is a good thing to volunteer; You have remarked that as a child you were told not to speak unless spoken to and to that you were to wait until you were asked, before doing something.” As a child I remember the dictum, "children should be seen and not heard", (and I might, add “and preferably not seen either!”). That kind of attitude was a vestige of those halcyon days when the governess presented the children to the parents after dinner for inspection, but for little else. Children should be respectful, but so should adults, even of children. On a simple level even respectful children would bless their parents by volunteering to wash the dishes or walk the dog.
As for your living arrangement. There are so many mixed motives and emotions in any family living arrangement. What's done is done. However there is here a matter for some serious and persistent prayer. The question is not "What should I have done?", but, "What should I do now?" The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.